hello everyone,  i hope everyone is having a grand ol' summer full of fun and laughter. how is my summer going u ask, quite well, just been working, seeing old high school friends and college friends. luv home but yet i miss the freedome and people of college. but coming back home though makes me realize how much i have changed. its like i think too much now. so topics of todays entry? pretty people, homeless peple, and wnating to have no heart. 
oh yes i remmber i did write an entry saying i would stop posting but wow xanga does get the best of me. no i do not intend to post any soul baring entries or miniscule monotonous detials about my life. just what ive been thinking about and always wondering how other people think. so yes comments would be much appreciated. 
here we go!
ive been thinking a lot about pretty people. i guess it makes me quite uncomforable that a lot of times people will treat u differenty just by how u look. like people will treat an "ugly" person okay but a better looking one eveen better. maybe its cuz the better looking one acts better, more confident cuz they know they loook better...kinda like self fulfilling prophecy. i admit i do it tooo, attractive peple do get mroe of my attention but yet maybe its how they act thats so alluring. or mabye they act the same as everyone else but they just look more alluring cuz they're so attractive. is this making sense to everyone? well i guess ive been thinking about that a lot cuz dont u ever wonder how many opportunites u missed if u were one of those pretty pretty peple? i sure do, hmphhh...
next topic was gonna be about finance and the stupid mistakes that ive seen young peple make, but this might bore u more. let us get on.
fourth topic. i think ive stopped caring. and thinking too much. hrmm i guess over second semster maybe my heart has hardened a little. i feel less compassionate about petty problems that others have. i grow irriated faster from cocky people or people who cry too much or peple who cant take their own advice. wow i remember in hgih school i jsut cared about what other peple thought of me, what i was wearing, and how gossipy we were. but now in college, pitzer is making me think. i think about so many things now..i still care about what peple think of me but that is also mixed in with international issues, about exploitation, about differing socioeconomic statuses, but its like i care more now. and this makes me feell very very uncomfortable. i must say i feel guilty but i dont want to care about these things, i want to go back to my bubble. why dont i want to care? cuz just like many people who do care, it just seems we dont do much about it, maybe eventually all this talking will start a subtle trend but for now i feel very disheartened. 
i guess its kinda like how a friend was telling me that it was virtually impossible for third world countries to gain the same living standards as first world simply cuz they have none of the resources that we have, agriculltrualy, technological and educationally wise. that even if we gave them aid it wouldnt be enough but they would keep needing more and more aid. like a vicious cycle. but it was uplifting to hear that hey mabye an "African" mircale might happen.
i must admit though, i feel respect for those who do not care. i was with an ol' high school friend and we was waiting to go but we couldnt go cuz there was a wheel chair lady that everone was waiting for. and my friend replied, "shit, stupid handciapped peple, so slow, we're gonna be late." wow i didnt know what to say to that  cuz i dunno i guess we ALL have changed, mabye some of us a lilttle more heartless, some a little more wiser, and some more immature.
i feel old now, thinkig about all of these things. and i do act older too. wow i ermber last summer, used to go out everyday, come home 2 -3 in the morning. but now it seems i cant even handle that. i just wanna do some stuff but hrmm not sure just yet y this is. maybe its this guilt. ugghhh....
but yes i would luv it very much if u commented. 
its nice to know when people care or that mabye they feel the same way i do. or may be this is a bit deep for us to have a convo aobut this just yet. let us hope that we wont be having such deep conversations any time soon. enjoy the summer everyone! and oh yes before i forget, rember that: "im not as nice as u think i am, whatever expectations u ahve of me, please lower them."
aloha! | 
